My Inbox has my past

Today is the first day of the new year 2009. Last two years ago, same exact day, I remember I was the saddest person alive in my world. An unfortunate way to start that year. It was the day when Pax, or I call him Bebe, my ex, left the country and went to Abu Dhabi to find a work. Since he left, I knew that our relationship will never work anymore. LDR really doesn't work for TL. And I was right, after a few months, our relationship ended.


The other day, when I was checking my emails, I found an old one, my message to him that I unintentionally kept in my inbox. I remember the exact feeling back then. But now, it gave a little smile in my face upon reading it again. I might as well share to you the long email I sent him last February of 2007:

Bebe,

Nalulungkot ako... Hindi ka na nagpaparamdam. Hindi ko na alam kung anong nangyayari sa iyo jan. Hindi ka na tumatawag, nagtetext, o nageemail man lang. Lagi mong sinasabi na marami kang iniisip o wala kang oras, pinilit kong intindihin yun. Iniisip ko din na baka wala kang pantawag o pangtext. Naiintindihan ko yun. Pero yung nakakapagcheck ka nang friendster pero di man lang nakakapagsend nang kamusta o I love you sa akin, hindi ko matanggap.

Siyempre, pinipilit ko pa din intindihin. Wala kasi akong alam. Hindi ko totally alam sitwasyon mo jan kaya iniintindi ko na lang. Nakakalungkot lang kasi nangako ka na we'll keep our communication open when you left kasi we know that it will just be the only way to keep our relationship going. Alam mong hindi ko kaya nang long distance relationship kasi panghahawakan ko talaga kahit ano man ang mangyari. Kaya nga inoffer kong maghiwalay na lang tayo bago ka umalis kasi alam kong mahihirapan ako.

Alam kong mahirap din sa iyo pero sana maintindihan mo na ako yung naiwan dito. Ako yung nakakakita nang mga memories natin dito. Hindi natatangay nang mga nakikita ko sa paligid ang kalungkutan kasi tuwing may pupuntahan ako o may makikita na familiar eh naaalala kita. You may feel the same way too but being in a different place, with different people and culture can take some of your attention and lead to forgetting what you have left back here.

Masakit na nagkahiwalay tayo. Alam ko kailangan. Pero naiwan kasi ako matapos nang isang pagtataksil kaya masakit pa para sa akin ang lahat. Madami pa din gumugulo sa akin at mga tanong na hinahanapan ko nang sagot. Pero dahil mahal kita, kinakalimutan ko lahat. Nilalabanan ko siya mag isa. Mahal kita bebe.

Sana naman maintindihan mo pinanggagalingan ko. Kilala mo ako. Alam mong importante ang mga bagay na ito sa akin. Simple lang kaligayahan ko. Ikaw. Kahit anong simpleng bagay galing sayo, sumasaya ako. Kung may hindi ako naiintindihan, sana sabihin mo sa akin para hindi ako nag-iisip nang kung ano-ano. Tao lang ako, walang idea.

Kung may malaking dahilan naman ang hindi mo pagpaparamdam sa akin, sana magkaroon ka nang courage to tell me. Kung may nahanap ka nang iba, o may nagpapasaya na sa pagstay mo jan, maiintindihan ko bebe. Ganun talaga kung ganun nga. Wala akong magagawa kundi tanggapin. Ang akin lang, ipaalam mo sa akin. Nahihirapan ako dito. Feeling ko naaapektuhan pati trabaho ko. Tatlong buwan na akong bagsak sa trabaho simula nang pag-alis mong yan. I'll have my verbal warning na for this month.

Ewan ko, pinipilit kong labanan, nakikita naman nang mga taong nakakaalam pero kahit anong gawin ko, wala akong makuhang inspirasyon. Wala na kasi akong nakukuhang love from you. Hindi ko na maramdaman. Ang layo-layo mo na sa akin. Walang effort to make me feel that youre just near. Hindi ka na ganun ka excited pag tumatawag ako. Ayokong mag-assume pero.... hay... di ko na alam.

Nagsa-struggle ako sa relasyon natin bebe. Napakahirap. Parang di mo ako kilala. We are in a relationship. We have commitment with each other. I have my own problems too, struggles here, but I manage to still think about you. And no matter what, I still hold on to your promise. But if this promise is no longer available to hold on to, please be fair enough to let me know. That's all i'm asking bebe. Mas matatanggap kong wala na kaysa umaasa pa rin ako and in the end, wala na din pala.

Kung ano man ang mga pinagdadaanan mo jan, sana dalawa tayong nagdadamayan. anupat naging partner mo ako. its been two months, and no matter how hard i try to hide it, and keep me from saying this to you, i guess it's official.... I AM REALLY MISSING YOU....

I love you so much. hope to hear from you soon...

Advance happy monthsary....

Bebe

Haba di ba. Dramatic actor talaga si TL. Punong puno nang drama sa katawan. Hehe. Then, eto yung sagot niya sa akin sa mahabang email na yan:

Bebe.... i'm sorry and you're feeling that way.. me too don't understand myself... sobrang struggle ako dito... pero may mga friends around,,, kung nahihirapan kana just tell me... ako din bebe kasi eh.. medyo mahirap,,, pero i don't mean anything ha... it's 2days from now 20monthsary na natin.... just take care bebe,, you should do good in your work... kasi any moment baka umuwi ako,,, ayoko naman na pareho tayong walang mapatunayan sa buhay diba... mwah....

At yan ang naging mitsa nang paghihiwalay namin. It was all about reading between the lines. Nagets ko na. So I decided to break up with him through email (oo na, I know). After 2 years, I am finally sharing this. This break up occurred right after I arrived from the states. At eto yung sagot niya sa break up email ko:

Bebe bakit nanam ganyan? di mo ba naiintindihan? i don't wanna lose someone like you in my life,,, pero bakit ganyan ang nangyayari.. i'm really really sorry for the things i've done bad.... i'm really sorry po.... i still do love you and whatever your decision maybe you'll remain here in my heart forever... bebe.... i love you... i'm missing you so much.. i would also like to thank you for all the things you've done and for all the things you have sacrifice for me.... thank you,,, thank you.. no words can express how i'm feeling right now... bebe... i'm sorry....

Convincing, pero pag nagdesisyon na kasi si TL, yun na yun. Wala nang bawian. I also remember how my friends reacted on the break up. Even sa family side niya. Hay, it became so sensationalized. Sa kanya lang kasi ako tumagal. At sa kanya lang ako nakipag-live-in. A lot of my friends knows him. Kaya maraming naapektuhan. Nanghinayang. Yung iba, okay sa nangyari.

Not only these emails I found in my inbox, but exchange of messages from good friends Rosha, Jze and Zue Anne when I was still hurt by what happened after a month. Nakakatuwa talagang basahin uli. Hehe.

TL: Tinawagan ko si Pax. Wala lang, casual yung conversation namin. Pero di matagal, di ko kaya. Nagkamustahan lang kami. Nagtatawanan pa nga kami. Parang walang nangyari. Di ko alam kung masaya lang talaga na siya o nagkukunwari lang kami pareho. Hay, bakit ko pa ginawa yun. Tanga tanga ko talaga. I'm so sick. Loser i am. Fuck my life!!!!

JZE: Sabi sa'yo e. Yang mga binabalak mong gawin, di mo rin natitiis, ginagawa mo rin. Hay. Ano ba talaga kuya?

TL: Ewan ko ba. Alam ko nagsasawa na kayo sa akin. Alam ko minsan ang nasa utak ko, pero may mga nagagawa akong di ko man lang inisip. Paconfine na kaya ako sa mental? Hehe. Tanga tanga ko talaga. Malala na talaga ako. Kelan kaya ako gagaling. Sino kaya magpapagaling nito. PUTANG INA!

ZUE ANNE: Pareho lang tayong tanga. Basta if you made a decision, you have to stick by it. Word of honor ang tawag dun.

TL: Haha. I guess all of us sometimes become so stupid about love. I think it's just my super duper moment. Hay. How I wish I can get over with this soon.

ZUE: Yes, we all have to go through this.

ROSHA: You're not stupid. You're just not over him yet. Don't fool yourself. But get use to it. Be numb! Be insensitive! Pag nagsawa ka na, wala nang matitira sa nararamdaman mo. Then, you're completely over him. Okay na yung pinagdadaanan mong pain, kaysa takasan mo at babalik balikan na naman.

TL: Wow! Rosha ikaw ba yan?? O you're just inspired kasi nagsabay sabay naman lahat nang boys mo. Hehe. Remember my line: "Kapag wala, talagang wala, pag meron na, lahat naman sila nakikigulo..." Hehe. Anyways, thanks rosha. i guess i really have to go through this. Magpakatanga at magpakalulon sa kalungkutan kasi pag ikot nang mundo ko, I know I'll be happy din.

ROSHA: You can't do that overnight. Give it some time to heal. Feel the pain. And you'll be surprised one day, wala na siya sa isip mo. It took me 1 year to learn that and get over with my past. And always take note, whatever happens in your life, you only got yourself to depend on. And ask God for help. We're just here to let you forget your problems. But it's still up to you to help yourself. You'll become stronger and wiser as you learn these things. Good luck on your challenge.


My friends were right. Though it took me a year to really forget him, But I'm glad I have moved on. Pax and I remained friends. We chat sometimes, kamustahan. His family is still communicating with me. Mahirap na kasing sirain yung magandang relationship na na-establish. Pinapauwi nga ako lagi sa Pampanga.

He's still in Abu Dhabi, and happy to know that he has now a stable job and experiencing great things in life. That was what I wished for him. No bitterness but wishing all the best for him. And I think he is now in a relationship (again. hehe). But this time, I think he's very happy. He never shares some details about his relationship (madaya nga eh, ako I do), but he always tell me if he found someone.

Nakakatuwang balikan ang nakaraan. Napapangiti ka na lang ngayon. Dati, malungkot ka, ngayon, tinatawanan mo na lang lahat nang ka-eng-engan mo sa pag-ibig. We all experience that. Love is a like a drug that can really make us high and get out of our norms. But one important thing is, we learn from the past and we use it as a guide for our present, even for our future. Once a relationship has ended, they not only become an "Ex", but they become our "Teacher" of our past.

For Pax, or my Bebe for life, Happy New Year to you!!!

I Want Someone

In my friendster account, I placed a number of things I want to look for in a guy (when I was still single). It was there for years already and once changed, edited to present tense, when I met Jay. But when we broke up, I brought it back to its original content. Although I am no longer single again, I decided to just keep it that way (baka kasi may sumpa pag binago). Well, I guess everyone knows I am in a relationship naman.

These are SOME of the things I really look for in a guy. See below the list:

I want someone who has a very nice lips.
- Ito talaga ang una kong tinitingnan sa guy. Mahirap idescribe. Walang specific. Basta pag tiningnan ko na yung lips nang guy at na-imagine kong I will enjoy it in a relationship, check na.

I want someone who can hug me all night long in bed.
- TL loves to cuddle. I love the feeling of being embraced. Having the arms of the one you love wrapped around you. There's a sense of comfort I truly love.

I want someone who loves to travel as well.
- I love travelling. I love exploring new places. And I enjoy any trip with the one you love. Sharing the moments together.

I want someone who likes nature and beach.
- Knowing that I love travelling, I usually go to a nature tripping or hitting a beach. If he's not a nature lover nor a beachbuddy, no no na agad. End of story.

I want someone who knows how to cook.
- Simple lang. Dahil hindi ako marunong magluto, gusto ko marunong siyang magluto. Para mabuhay naman kaming dalawa just in case magsasama kami sa isang bubong. Or else, palagi kaming pancit canton araw-araw. Hehe.

I want someone who does not smoke.
- I don't smoke. Because I don't like the smell. So no no din if he's smoking. Nasusuka kasi ako when you kiss a guy and you smell the cigarette spirit in his mouth. Ngerks!!!!

I want someone who can comfort me when I get scared of fire rush or earthquake.
- These are some of my greatest fears. Nangangatog talaga literally ang mga tuhod ko dito. Just a tight embrace and it will be all gone quickly.

I want someone who likes photography as well.
- Do I need to explain? Hehe. I love photo shoots. Anywhere, everywhere. If you're a fun loving person, free-spirited guy, who loves to capture many moments, then you're in. Plus factor if you're a poser too. Hehe. Para madami tayong pcitures together. Album ito!!!

I want someone mature and can handle mood swings
- I'm very moody. And boy, I'm a certified Gemini. If you don't know how to handle it, you'll have a hard time dealing with me. If you're not understanding and masuyo type of guy, mahihirapan kang intindihin ako.

I want someone who has a taste of style.
- Not the super fashionista. Just the basics. Knows how to pick the right color, matching, when and where to wear, and not so flambouyant. And can carry just anything with attitude.

I want someone whom I can listen music with.
- I love music. It would be nice if we share one iPod only and enjoy the beat of every rhythm.

I want someone who can befriend my mates.
- This is a must. If you can't deal, nor even talk to my friends, it's an automatic no no. They are next to my family that you need to deal with. I'm a basic kinda guy.

I want someone who can sing videoke with me.
- I love singing. And I used to sing as a profession. You don't need to have a Josh Groban voice. Videoke is all about having fun, not a contest. If you're game with it, then you're cool with me.

But last last week, Kenjie placed a comment in my page with his response to this list. Wala na naman sigurong magawa. Hehe. Kulet nang mga sinulat niya:


- I want someone who has a very nice lips./ IS IT?
- I want someone who can hug me all night long in bed./ ME
- I want someone who loves to travel as well./ TARA LAKAD NA TAYO PARA MALAYO MARATING NATIN
- I want someone who likes nature and beach./ ME YAN 4 SURE
- I want someone who knows how to cook./ Waaaaaaa HIRE NA LANG TYO CHEF HEHEHEHE
- I want someone who does not smoke./ I DON'T, 3YRS. NA
- I want someone who can comfort me when I get scared of fire rush or earthquake./ TARA SABAY TAYO TAKBO
- I want someone who likes photography as well./ I HAVE THE EYE 4 IT
- I want someone mature and can handle mood swings./ HIRAP ATA NI2?
- I want someone who has a taste of style./ EHEM!!!
- I want someone whom I can listen music with./ LOVE IT
- I want someone who can befriend my mates./ TRY KO, SCARY MGA FRENS MO E
- I want someone who can sing videoke with me./ MAGALING KA D2

Kulet! Wala talagang magawa. Nung mabasa din niya yung entry about Maligayang PASTko, he reacted and said "Bakit ako nasa mga Past, eh Future mo ako...". Hala! Kulet noh. He's really like that. Makulit. Malambing. After our relationship, we remained good friends at di na natigil ang kulitan pag nakakapag-chat minsan.

He still say that I was the last guy he had relationship with, while me eh madami na daw pinalit sa kanya (nge). There's something in me that doesn't want to believe pero I wish for him this new year that he would find his true happiness na. The one who truly deserves to be called his BOO...

And for me, I already found my SOMEONE...

ZsaZsa and TL's New Year

Pagkapark na pagkapark ko sa garahe, sinalubong ako ni mamiko. Pagkasara ko nang gate, nilapitan kami nang katulong nang kapitbahay namin. Ang sabi sa amin, nagwawala daw yung isang kasama nila sa bahay. Wala ang mga may-ari, umuwi nang Bicol. Mga katulong lang ang naiwan. Pinuntahan agad namin habang nagpuputukan sa kapaligiran. It was 45 minutes before 2009.

Pagpasok sa house nang kapitbahay namin, nakita namin nakasalampak na sa sahig yung isang katulong, umiiyak, sumisigaw, nagwawala, kung ano-ano ang sinasabi, nagmumura. Nilapitan agad ni mamiko. Pinilit kausapin. Inaalam kung bakit. Ako, nagmasid lang. Hinayaan ko muna si mamiko. Yung mga kasama, kinakabahan. Natatakot.

Kung ano-anong klaseng approach na ang ginawa ni mamiko. Hindi pa din tumitigil. Sinasabing galit siya sa nanay niya, papatayin daw niya, wala daw kwenta, hindi daw siya mahal, at kung ano ano pa. Bothered ako kasi ang pangit nang may ganito sa pagsalubong sa bagong taon. Hassle. Naisip ko, sino ba ito at gusto pang sirain ang bagong taon ko. But again, umiral ang pusong wagas ni TL. I felt some burden and tried helping mamiko with her.

I asked her name, Zsazsa daw sabi nung ibang kasama. 16 years old. Wala nang tatay, patay na. First approach, inayawan ako. Nasipa pa nga ako. For you to imagine the scene, para siya napo-possess. Sinasabi pa niyang kinukurot siya at pinapalo sa pwet nang nanay niya at that time. Turo siya nang turo. Nakikita daw niya ang nanay niya. Habang pinagmamasdan ko ang usapan nila ni mamiko, I then got what she's exactly going through. Then I asked mamiko to let me just talk to her.

I held her hand habang nakayakap siya kay mamiko pero nakasalampak pa rin sa sahig. With a commanding voice, I told her to only listen to me and that she should stop crying because we are there to help her. Sinabi kong wala sa bahay ang nanay niya. Walang mananakit sa kanya and she should listen to me. After all the psychological convincing effort, she then started listening to me and asked her to come with us at our house. Naramdaman kong may hurt din siyang dinadala sa loob nang bahay na yun, aside from the parental hurt she had in the past.

Siyempre, na-shock sila when they finally saw her obeying me. This was not the first time I have dealt with this. This is actually the kind of challenge TL enjoys. Mental and psychological issues. Hindi pa natapos pagdating sa bahay. Although nag-subside, pero continous pa din. Tuloy-tuloy lang ang pagbigay ko nang order sa kanya. She listens to my command even she is still bothered by what she is seeing and hearing.

Naghahallucinate siya. Nakakakita siya nang tao, malaking mata, madilim. Naririnig niya ang nanay niya na pinagbabawalan siya nang kung ano-ano at pinagbabantaan. Pinapainom namin nang tubig, sinasabi niya bawal daw sabi nang nanay niya. Pinapakain namin, bawal daw. Basta, she is like under the control of her mom. Kaya ang ginagawa ko, I try to get her attention and convincing her to listen to me instead. And she does.

Nilayo namin lahat nang matatalas na bagay. In her situation, if not controlled, she can have the tendency to really get out of her mind. But people in that situation can easily follow to your order once you establish your command. Risky, but poor girl. If you don't know how to handle it, things can get worse. I cannot also take to just leave her suffering. I felt the burden so I never left her. Binantayan ko talaga siya hanggang sa kumalma.

12:00am, we all welcomed the new year. Lumabas kami. Sige ang ihip ni TL sa maingay na turotot. Ayaw kasi namin nang paputok. Nilabas namin si zsazsa. Pero nakayakap pa rin siya kay mamiko. Hindi ko nilulubayan ang atensyon ko sa kanya. Tumatawa siya kapag nagtotorotot ako. Pumalakpak. Malubayan mo nang saglit, at pag tumigil ka sa pagiging masaya, titingin sa ibang direksyon at makikita niya ang nanay niya uli. Kaya tinututukan ko. Nag-ingay kami lalo.

Masaya naman kami sa pagsalubong nang bagong taon, aside from zsazsa getting all of our attention. But, we never let it ruin the celebration. We made it as normal as possible. But, what I felt in my heart was overhwelming. That I was able to help someone. Feeling ko it was a big good karma in welcoming the new year. A poor girl needed a big love from somebody.

Pagkatapos nang putukan, pumasok na kami sa loob. Sabi ko sa kanya, sleep na siya. Sinusunod naman niya lahat nang sinasabi ko. Psychological battle na kasi eh. Maaawa ka talaga. Pero feeling ko hindi lahat nang tao sa paligid kanina, naiintindihan siya. Even my sister, feeling ko nga naiinis pa siya. Ako, sobrang naiintindihan ko. Punong puno nang galit yung bata. Kulang nang pagmamahal at atensyon. Nakakaiyak actually. Lalo na nung ine-embrace niya ako.

She felt she had a family. Kung sino sino ang tinuturo niyang gusto niyang maging nanay. Gusto daw niya mag-aral. Gusto daw niyang pagsilbihan ang mga taong tutulong sa kanya. If you saw her, iisipin mong baliw talaga. Nagsasalita mag-isa. Basta hindi talaga normal. Pero ako, hindi ko siya iniwanan. Naiintindihan ko siya. Kinurot ang puso ko. It was even my first time to see her kahit katulong siya nang kapitbahay namin.

Pinatulog na namin. Pero bago yun, pinagpray muna namin. With what has happened to her, she needs God to really save her from the overflowing hatred in her heart. I felt that she needs to release all the anger, forgive people and let God bring peace in her heart. This was the most touching new year celebration experience for TL. A story I will never forget.

It was very surprising. But I found a reason why God has let me go home early today. I thought it was just to be with my family in welcomg the new year, but it became to be a showing of a family love to someone who doesn't have. It was so awesome to end the year and start the new year with a very good deed.


There she is, sleeping tight at our house. May she wake up with a brand new start on the first day of 2009...

New Year's Eve

6:00pm, nasa trabaho na si TL. Yes. May pasok ako nang New Year's Eve. The first time ever in my entire career. Saklap. Ngayon ko lang 'to na-experience. I have 6 proteges expected to report to work. The rest, naka-leave. Pero si mommy lissa, hindi pa binigyan nang fit-to-work, kaya pinauwi ko na lang. Ang anim, naging lima. Eto sila:

Kalbo sa dulo...

Kalbo sa kabilang dulo rin. Hehe...

Ang konti nang tao. Sa tatlong floors nang W, pinagsama sama lahat sa 3rd floor. At, hindi pa siya puno. Pero, may libreng food. Yum yum! Sinerve nang 9:00pm. Kami nang team ko ang unang sumugod. Attack!!! Hehe. Sarap. Pagbalik sa floor, picture picture lang nang ibang kasamahan ko sa trabaho habang tambak nang calls. Queuing!!!

Armin, TL, Anne, El & Teddy Bear

I left around 11:00pm. Request kasi ni mamiko na humabol ako. Gusto niya kumpleto kaming tatlo pagsalubong sa bagong taon. Although sobrang kabado, umalis ako at sinugod ang daan. I swear, Volume 25 yung audio nang sasakyan ko at ayaw kong may maririnig na paputok sa labas. Magugulatin kasi ako. Sobrang kabado kaya nagsisi-sigaw ako sa loob nang sasakyan. Pinagkakausap ko si Khenzo, na feeling ko eh rinding-rindi na sa akin. Para talaga akong baliw kanina. Hehe.

Gladly, I survived and arrived safe at home...

Countdown to 2009

Kagigising ko lang..
Tahimik ang kapaligiran.. Himala..
Parang hindi December 31.. Hindi maingay sa labas..
Alam ko na.. Umuulan pala..

Sana umulan hanggang mamaya.. Oo, killjoy ako..
Takot kasi ako sa paputok.. Wala sa amin sa bahay ang nagpapaputok..
Hassle ang isa naming kapitbahay.. Grabe kung magpaputok lagi..
Kawawa naman kami ni Thokie mamaya.. Manginginig sa takot..

May pasok ako.. Pero hanggang 11:45pm lang..
Sa kagandahang loob ni Armin.. Ok daw akong umuwi nang maaga..
Ang tatlong maria lang kasi ang nandito sa bahay.. Kami lang..
Hiling ni mamiko.. Makasama ako sa pagsalubong sa bagong taon..

Isang kabanata na naman ang matatapos.. Panibago na naman..
Doseng buwan.. Pero parang labindalawang araw lang ang nagdaan..
Ang bilis talaga nang panahon.. Parang kailan lang..
Shet, tatanda na naman ako.. Marami na naman ang mangyayari..

May mga natapos na pagkakaibigan.. May bago namang nakikilala..
May mga relasyong di nagtagal.. Pero may bago namang sinisimulan..
May mga eksenang nakakaaliw.. Meron din namang nakakabaliw..
May mga matatapos.. May mga magsisimula..

Dumating si Khenzo.. Nawala si Jay..
Nagsimula nang mag-drive.. May bagong SL sa trabaho..
May mga nag-resign na agents.. May mga dumating na bago..
Nagkaroon nang iTouch.. Nakarelasyon si Arvie..
Nakapunta na nang Laiya.. Nakapunta na nang Dasma..
Nakilala si Lucky.. Dumating si Nathan sa buhay ko..

Nanakawan nang wallet.. Kumulit lalo si mamiko..
Malaki na si Thokie.. May apat na buntis na agents..
May trabaho na si Lissa.. Graduate na ang kapatid ko..
Bagong gawa na garahe.. Tapos na ang kontrata sa FF..

Iba't ibang pangyayari.. Napakadami..
Pero masaya ako.. Walang bahid nang pagsisisi..
Nagsimula ang taon kong in-love ako.. Magtatapos ding in-love ako..
Ang saya saya di ba.. Ganun daw talaga yun..

Sa lahat nang kaibigan ko.. Kamag-anak..
Mga katrabaho.. Pati na rin sa mga taong di ko gusto..
Manigong Bagong taon sa inyong lahat.. Iwasang magpaputok..
Ibang putok na lang.. Wahaha..

Para sa marami pang kabaliwan ni TL sa 2009..

Natja122108d

"Gising ka pa pala.. Kala ko Ja natulog ka na kaya di na ako nagtext..
Baka maistorbo kita eh.. Sige sleep ka na..
Malapit na rin kaming umuwi.."

Kholili Scandal

I'm so out of the loop from the world of showbiz. Hehe. I just heard from Eds and Jhen while we were on our way to the hospital last sunday that Hayden Kho and Katrina Halili has a video sex scandal. Is this true???

If yes, then I will call it "Kholili Scandal". The Hayden KHO and Katrina HaLILI expose. Hay, ang swerte ni Katrina at na-experience niya si Hayden. Crush ko pa naman yun. Pero swerte rin ni Hayden at na-experience niya si Katrina. Eh crush ko din yun. Dapat kasi, tatlong tao ang nilagay nila sa photo ad na yan. Ako yung pangatlo!!! Wahaha. Willing naman akong magpose nang naked eh. Wahaha. At least, may representation of different colors.

Anyways, I am just kidding. I hope to get a video of it. We'll see...

Finally Jhen...

For the longest time ever in our friendship, we haven't gone out nor spent time together for more than a month. I swear, I missed the bonding so much. Finally, nagkita kami ni Jhen noong Saturday. The long wait was over!

Kumain lang kami si TGIF and started catching up with each other. Non-stop exchange of stories. Para lang siyang back-to-back series. Kahit gutom kami, tuloy tuloy lang ang kwentuhan. Of course, for blog's purposes, we asked the pretty waitress (or I don't know what you call them) to take a picture of us. Hehe.


At siyempre, dahil pretty si waitress Marge (yes, I know the name) at nakukuha niya talaga yung attention ko, cute smile, maganda ang height, sexy, at very accommodating to our requests, nagpapicture din ako sa kanya. Sabi ko, "Marge, pwede pa-picture tayo, baka kasi di na tayo magkita uli...". Naks! Punchline! Sabi ni Marge, "Ay ganun ba, lilipad na kayo?". Haha. Akala, mag-aabroad na ako.


Believe me, mas maganda si Marge sa personal. And if you notice, ibang side yung hati nung buhok ni TL. Shet! Kamukha ko na dad ko. Hassle! Oops, this entry is for Jhen pala. Napunta kay Marge at sa dad ko. Hehe. Anyways, we watched Desperadas 2 also. Funny tagalog movie. It's MMFF season kasi. Actually, pinag-isipan pa namin kung Tanging Ina niyong lahat o Desperadas 2. Kaso, ang haba nang pila sa Tanging Ina. Ayun. Ang kulit ni Ogie Alcasid as the 5th sister.


Jhen, it was nice hanging out with you again! We're finally back! Woohoo!!!

Oliver

While checking my emails at Yahoo, I received this spam from a guy whom we shall identify as Oliver Pascual. Here is his email, and yes, feel free to react. Hehe.

I am not ashamed to tell the whole world that I need love.

Magandang araw sa inyo.

Itago niyo na lang ako sa pangalang Oliver. (May ganon pa? Hahaha.)

Nagpost lang ako para makahanap ng isang guy na magugustuhan ako at
posibleng magmahal sakin.

Inuunahan ko na ang lahat. Hindi po ako guwapo. Oo, pede akong
maging cute at magpa-cute sa pictures. (Lalo na kung wala akong
magawa at hawak-hawak ko ang Sony Cybershot Digicam ko. Kung hindi
ako magugutom eh, hindi titigil sa kaka-picture. Hehe.)

Uulitin ko ha. Hindi ako gwapo. Kaya kung gusto niyo ng gwapo, eh
hindi para sa inyo ang post na ito. Kung cute naman ang hanap mo,
hindi rin para sa yo ang post na ito. Hanggang sa pictures lang ang
pagiging cute ko.

Naniniwala ako na maraming members ng yahoogroup na ito ay hindi
handsome or hindi cute. Pero pedeng maging cute sa pictures. Kung
isa ka dun, ikaw ang hinahanap ko!

Ngunit merong rin akong mga requirements:

1) Dapat straight-acting ka rin katulad ko. Hindi pedeng effem or
bading na bading. Absolute Turn Off ako dun.
2) Dapat 18 – 28 years old ka.
3) Dapat discreet ka rin.
4) Dapat hindi ka chubby or masyadong mataba. Preference ko lang po.
5) Dapat willing or may plano kang i-improve ang physical appearance
mo (e.g. you must be willing to do aerobic exercise, resistance
training, proper nutrition and rest and recovery)
6) Dapat you can take an honest look at yourself in the mirror to
really see you how look physically.
7) Dapat may pangarap ka sa buhay (e.g. nag-aaral mabuti or may
maayos na trabaho; hindi pabaya)
8) Dapat friendly ka at may enough sense of humor, hindi bossy or
demanding.
9) Dapat kilala mo ang sarili mo.
10) Dapat mayaman ka (Joke. Hahaha). Oo, ang pera maraming nagagawa
yan, pero hindi nabibili ng pera ang kasiyahan. Sa totoo lang.

Madami ba akong requirements? Pasensya na ha, kailangan ko yun para
ma-narrow down ko yung mga posibleng magkaroon ng interes at mag-i-
email sakin or tatawag or magtetext.

Ngayon, ako naman ang mag-de-describe ng sarili ko:

Ako si Oliver. 22 years old. Straight-acting gay guy. Discreet.
Resides somewhere near Manila. Masiyahin. Mahilig mag-isip.
Philosopher kung baga. Stands 5 `3. Weighs 130 lbs. Health-
conscious. Sleeps even at daytime. Takes glutathione capsules. Does
not smoke or drink. I love my family and friends. Has braces. Sports
a semikal look. Open-minded. Thinks sex is good. No diseases. Reads
books. Loves sports and outdoor activities. Dreams to travel to
different parts of the country and the world. Plans to be earn
millions by the age of 25. Mabait. Understanding. Polite. Neat
freak. Sobra. Laging inaayos ang bed paggising at lahat ng gamit sa
kwarto, maayos lagi. Takes a bath twice a day. Lahat na ata ng
magagandang bagay eh isusulat ko dito. Hahaha.

Hindi po ako makakapag-send ng pictures dahil hindi pa alam ng mga
taong malapit sa akin ang sexuality ko. Magiging malaking problema
kapag sa ibang tao pa nila malalaman. Sana naiintindihan niyo.

Ito po ang number ko email add ko: oliverpascual@ ymail.com.
Cellphone: 0927-6594585.

Sa mga interasado sa akin, paki-review na lang po yung requirements
ko sa taas. No effems or halatang bading. I have nothing against
effems or really out gays. Hindi lang po talaga kayo ang type ko.
Marami po akong kakilala na out na out. Okay naman sila at
nakakatawa nga ang mga banat nila madalas. They are really nice
people.

VERY IMPORTANT:
Kailangan ko po ng tao na mamahailin ko at magmamahal sakin. Hindi
ako mahihiyang sabihin sa buong mundo na kailangan ko ng
pagmamamahal.

Thank you.

P.S.

Kung sa palagay mo may posibilidad na magustuhan natin ang isa't
isa, huwag na nating pahabain ang proseso. Let's exchange emails
twice or thrice and then we meet. Masyadong pinapatagal ang isa sa
pinaka-importanteng bagay sa mundo – ang pagmamahal.

Oh! San ka pa! Hindi ko kinaya. Dinaig pa ang isang Job Advertisement sa pagiging kumpleto sa details. Malupet! At dahil sa tindi nang kalupitan, na-post ko bigla. Sorry na, hindi ko napigilan eh. Seryoso!!! Sana hindi magtagpo ang tadhana niya at nang blogsite ko. Baka magulat siyang na-feature pala siya dito. Hehe.

Kung sino ka man Oliver, with due respect (ayan, baka sabihin niyo kasi ang bad ni TL), nawa'y mahanap mo ang iyong hinahanap. Seryoso ako!

Natja's movie watching

If Nathan and I don't see a movie sa sinehan, we just watch some DVDs and spend the day together inside the room. Bonding moments. Mahilig kami sa movies kaya nagkakasundo kami. At hindi lang isang movie ang pinapanood namin, laging more than one. Feeling ko, part na siya nang agenda namin tuwing magkikita kami.


Last weekend, we watched "The House Bunny" and "My Sassy Girl". Mga feel good movies na pampalibang lang. The first movie was the typical american jerk movie. Pampatawa lang. Predictable pero funny pa rin. The second one, in fairness, napaluha ako (nang di alam ni nathan). Doon sa part na ine-explain ni girl bakit niya pinagawa yung different stuff kay guy dahil pala may relevance sa nakaraan niya. Coot! I love the movie.


Niloko ko nga si nathan, sabi ko "Can I be your Sassy Boy?". Hehe. Guguluhin ko din ang buhay niya pero lahat, may relevance. Nangiti lang siya. And as usual, pagkatapos, nagharutan lang kami sa kama. Hehe. May kiliti kasi si nathan sa bandang leeg at tenga. Kaya napapasigaw at napapabalikwas pag doon mo kinikiliti. Hehe.


Till next movie watching!

One Thousand

Waaahhhh!!!!!

It's official..
As of December 29, 2008..
4:53 pm.. Monday..
146 entries..
Barely 2 months old..
My blogiste had 1,000 visitors already..
Woohoo!!!

Twas a simple wish last November..
That my site could be visited by 1,000 viewers before the year ends..
And now it happened..

Thanks for always visiting my site..
I hope you guys are enjoying..
It's just the CRAZY LIFE OF TL..
Plain and simple..
Fun and exciting..

Natja122108c

"Ja.. Kumain ka na?..
Muwah.."

Christmas Greetings

There were 85 greeting messages I received last Christmas through text. And as a tradition, I keep those messages in one folder in my cellphone. To me, it is something. For someone to remember you on a special occasion, it has a meaning to me.

But I am most touched with personalized messages. It has more impact to me. Usually, we forward a quote about a special occasion to someone, maybe to save time and to save yourself from thinking (hehe). But to me, a personalized message, whether it's a long or a short one, is much appreciated. Here are some selected personalized messages I got last christmas:

"Good evening.. Advance Merry Christmas sa whole family mo.. Daya mo sabi mo uwi kayo.. Di naman pala.. Hmpf!.. Bigla kita naalala kasi may videoke uli dito.. Hehe.."
Malou Bigyan-may nanay-nanayan in Lemery, Batangas

"Sana nagustuhan mo yung regalo.. Thanks.. Miss you na TL.. Merry Christmas to you and your family.."
Maris Belarde-my former teammate

"Hi nong james.. Good a.m... I know right now medyo tulog pa kayo.. Si yron din eh.. Hehe.. Anyways, just want to thank you po for the gifts.. Merry Christmas.. God bless po.."
Abi Retuta-my new inaanak sa kasal

"Merry Christmas.. Thanks also for the friendship.. Hope to see you and nathan soon.. Grabe ang love life.. Always colorful.. Miss you.."
Myris Galang-my former agent at P

"Merry Christmas din po.. Miss you so much kuya marco.."
J.J. Bolima-my former agent at P

"James.. This is our second christmas and I am fortunate to have worked with you.. I've learned a lot.. May you and your family be blessed.. Happy Christmas.."
Lee Olivares-co-worker in Operations

"Merry Christmas anak.. Bakit di ka na umuwi?.. Miss na kita.. Love you.."
Mama Soliman-mom of my ex

"Wushu.. Inaapi mo nga ako.. Huhuhu.. Merry Christmas TL.."
Ash Garcia-my teammate

"Hi TL.. Merry Christmas to you and your family.. Really happy to be with you.. Thanks a lot.. Love yah.."
Marien Clemente-my teammate

"Hi marco.. I was touched ha.. kasi this is personalized.. Merry Christmas to you and your family.. I'm grateful that I have come to know you.. Stay blessed marco.. Ingat.. Mwuah.."
Emily Villarin-former co-worker at E2/friend

"Merry Christmas james.. Extend my greetings to nathan.."
Danie Calderon-co-worker in Operations/friend

"Love you bro.. Miss you.. Merry Christmas.."
Kath Peralta-sister of my ex

"I'm very happy to receive your personal message james.. Have a blesssed holidays with you and your loved ones.."
Via Niebres-Employee Manager for G/W

"Hi TL.. I'm touched.. Thanks TL.. Merry Christmas too.. May you and your family have a good one.."
Jaja Lasagas-my former Gallup Champion

"Hi Tl.. Thanks for the gift and for everything you've done.. It's very much appreciated.. Have a happy christmas to you and your loved ones.. Enjoy.."
John Jimenez-my teammate

"Merry Christmas to you marco.. I'm lucky to be one of your friends.. You take care.."
Rosha Beleno-my former agent at P/friend

"Merry Christmas TL.. Sana maging merry talaga ang christmas mo.."
Carol Sarita-my teammate

"Hey james.. I'm wishing you a merry christmas.. It's my pleasure knowing you.."
Noelle Catoto-co-worker in Operations

"Merry Christmas.. God bless po.. Pakibati na lang po ako sa team.. Hehe.. Thank you.. Ingat po sa handa.."
Karez Lim-my former teammate

"Thanks. Merry Christmas to you too.."
Donald Gennetten-one of my richmond boys

Thanks for all the great wishes to me, to my family, and even to nathan. I have wished you all the same. More blessings for us!!!

THANK YOU!

Sunday work

Last night was a crazy night at work. Light. Fun. Adventurous. CRAZY. Eto ang series of events kagabi. Mawindang kayo:

• I arrived 10:00pm. May dala akong pint ice cream kay Kumander as pasalubong. Nagcrave sa ice cream at ninenok yung tinago niyang one gallon sa refrigerator (at ginawan niya talaga nang entry sa blogsite niya about this nenok incidents niya at work. hehe). Buntis ata, gusto talaga nang ice cream that night kaya binilhan ko na. Hehe. (Ay! Wala pala siyang boyfriend ngayon. Hihi)

• Basa nang emails. Kumuha nang updates from Kumander. Nangamusta sa 8 TM kagabi. The rest was on leave. Around 11:30pm, nagpahatid si Jhen sa Asian Hospital at suka nang suka. Inaatake nang Gastro-athritis niya. Akala ko buntis na. Hehe. At balak pa magcommute, pwede ko naman ihatid. Which I did. Nagpasama ako kay Kumander.

• After asian, pumunta kami nang Chowking for our lunch ni Kumander. Yun naman ang kini-crave niya (hay, ikaw na ang parang buntis). Tuwang tuwa nang makitang bukas yung store. Pero eto ka, pagka-park, nang papasok na kami sa Chowking, biglang may nakaharang na payong sa pintuan and a sign saying "Closed for some emergency maintenance at 12:00am". Eh 12:03 na that time. Bwahaha. Malas. And ending, sa katabing Jollibee kami kumain. Kaya ayun, nagpicture-picturan kami.

• Pagbalik sa trabaho, ni-log-out ko yung team at nagkaroon kami nang fun activity since madaming "avail" time. Tsaka para marelax naman sila. Tutal, it's sunday. Kaya ayun, ang saya. Naaliw sila sa pakulo kong laro na naisip ko pagbalik namin from our lunch ni Kumander, which I don't have a title to it. Hehe.
  

• Pagkatapos nang activity, nagpasundo na si Jhen sa Asian. Tapos na daw siya turukan nang doctor (ay, parang masagwa). Oh well, alam niyo naman what I mean. Hehe. Tapos hinatid na namin sa may BF para makauwi na at makapagpahinga. So from work, to Asian Hispital, to BF village, then balik sa work. Go Khenzo!!
  

• Pagbalik sa trabaho, nagcoaching kami ni Kumander. At alam niyo ang topic? Dating, Love & Relationship. Oh! San ka pa! Kailangan turuan eh. Haha. Enjoy na enjoy naman si Kumander. Panay ang tawa at gusto na magka-boyfriend uli. Hehe.

• 4:15am, nagismula nang magcoaching uli si Kumander. Ako naman, nagfloorwalk. Para na rin matagtag yung mga kinain ko. Hay! Lumulobo na naman ako. At ang resulta nang pagfo-floorwalk? Dalawang tumataginting na supe call. Waaah!!! Di ko na inistrobo si Kumander. Ako na ang kumuha. Nang marefresh ang napag-aralan nung Training.

• 5:45am, uwian na. Ang plano ni TL, mag-gym nang mabawasan ang timbang sa mga na-gain nung christmas fever. Aba! si TL, dumeretso uwi. Tinamad! Hay! Pagdating, tulog! Napagod. Pero promise, today, I'll go to the gym. Kailangan na talaga!
  

So that was my night. Our night. Kulet noh. Hindi yan yung normal kong routine. Kagabi, naiba siya. Pero fun.

Fun! Fun! Fun!

My poor Khenzo

Sad...

Khenzo got hurt. I had to rush him kanina. He needed professional help. As much as I want to, I don't have the capability to help him. He got injured last thursday, on christmas day. And kanina, when I saw him, malala na talaga. I was sad. Sobrang mahal ko pa naman siya. Sobrang iniingatan wag masaktan. But there will be instances talaga na di mo inaasahan na basta na lang darating.

Sinama ko yung cousin ko kanina pagdala kay Khenzo. My mom was also worried when we left. I know, she was hoping for the best for Khenzo as well. Malungkot ako nung tinitingnan ko kung saan talaga siya tinamaan. Worse nga. Pinakita sa akin. I didn't even bother how much it would cost to make Khenzo better again, basta umayos lang siya uli. I asked them to do whatever it is to make him better.

I met Khenzo last January. Iniisnob ko pa siya nung una. Wala talaga akong interes. I always see him then pero dedma lang lagi. Di ko alam kung bakit, wala naman siyang ginagawa para ika-irita ko. Actually, mas nauna silang naging close nang kapatid ko. He even met my dad. Sabi pa nga ni daddy, okay daw si Khenzo. Ewan ko ba, may few moments with him naman pero di talaga ako tumatagal sa pakikipagbonding sa kanya.

It took us months bago gumaan ang loob ko sa kanya. Grabe, parang naging puwersahan pa nga. Naging 2:00am kasi ang shift ko noon. Scary magcommute. Mga hold-up phobia. Pero simula noong August, lagi na niya ako hinahatid sa work. Although hindi ko masyado kinukuwento sa mga tao sa trabaho about him noon. Wala lang. Ilang friends lang ang nakaka-alam. Nahihiya kasi ako.

Hinihintay niya ako hanggang paglabas ko. Sobrang tiyaga niya. Bilib nga ako doon eh. Basta tambay lang siya. Steady lang. At kung may lakad ako, madalas niya akong samahan. Sweet nga yun eh. Kaya mamahalin mo talaga. Sino bang hindi.

Ilang months na rin niya ginagawa ito. Hanggang ngayon. Actually alam nga ni nathan yun. Pero tahimik lang siya. Alam naman niyang iba yung relasyon namin. May tiwala siya. Basta mahal ko si Khenzo. Mahal ko din si Nathan. Pero mas madalas kong kasama si Khenzo. Halos araw-araw. Di tulad ni Nathan, once a week lang.

Madami na kaming pinagsamahan. May ilang beses na rin siyang nasaktan na dinamayan ko parati. Marami na rin kaming lugar na pinuntahan. Nameet nga din niya si Arvie. Kasa-kasama ko siya sa Cavite noon pag binibisita si Arvie. At una din niyang nameet si Lucky kaysa kay Nathan. At nameet na rin niya si Jay kelan lang. Basta, gusto ko pinapakilala ko din sa kanya yung friends ko if given a chance.

Btw, tsismis lang, my bestfriend Jem has a one time experience with Khenzo. Kelan lang yun. She asked me if it's okay. Sabi ko okay lang, wala naman din magiging problema kay Khenzo. Hinayaan ko na. Pero sikretong malupit lang ito ha. Baka malaman nang boyfriend ni Jem. Lagot ako. Hehe.

Going back, kasa-kasama ko din si Khenzo sa gym. Basta, kung saan saan. That's the story of TL and Khenzo (nathan, wag ka magseselos ha, wala talaga). Kaya kanina, twas sad to see him hurt. But thank God, he was released agad and now, feeling better kahit papano. I took a picture of him coz I thought of posting an entry for him today. See the pictures:

This is my Khenzo at the Vulcanizing Shop

At ito yung tires niya na nabutas nang pako nung pasko.

Ayan, inaayos na siya. Yey!

So now everyone, you already saw my Khenzo. Hay! Dalawang gulong ang tinira nang mga pako na nilagay sa kalsada nang mga ewang hudas na yun. Hassle! Nathan, ikaw pa rin ang number one ko!!! Hehe.

On Sexuality issue Part I

“Being Gay” is different from “To be Gay”. And for TL, what is fundamental to a person eh yung tendency niya to be gay. May mga qualities that are innate in a person, the tastes we acquire, at yung tastes we are born with. Lahat tayo ipinanganak na inosente, and with this innocence, we assume non-commitment and non-decision to things and events, hanggang sa ma-experience natin.

Therefore, once this tendency is nurtured by experience with people, places and things, a decision is formed consciously or subconsciously. This is not to discount yung mga arguments that “gayness” is in-born, pero this is only to allow free will to exist, na kahit kailan, must not be judged as an abominating furrow or outre.

We decide things we accept (Sa tingin ko maganda yung Barbie). We accept things we consider truth (Maganda talaga si Barbie). Hence, hinahayaan natin yung innate qualities natin to be contested by our later acquired taste, and make decisions coinciding our nature, its content, and its strength (Gusto ko magka-Barbie dahil maganda siya pero hinding hindi ako magiging katulad niya kaya ayokong maging katulad ni Barbie). Gets?

During my childhood years, I never enjoyed playing girl stuff. Di din ako nagtry mag-fit nang mga lady's dress, neither fancied doing it. I did not try putting make-up on my face. But some people have expressed that I can have the tendency to be gay. But yet, I chose not to be, fought it and made sure that when I grow up, I will be a straight guy. But I was wrong. Destiny has led me on this way.

I agree that acting manly or effeminate may well be a pre-disposition too, and concurrently, in-born. Dahil, we are of many names, we are of with many different groups. One is a brother, one is a corporate manager, one is a son, one is a painter, one is a catholic, and he is just One of different names. Though maraming naniniwala that being gay is a way of life, but showing it is not necessarily a pre-requisite to living Gay.

Kung ang isa ay nagdesisyon not to show his gayness at work (assumption: gayness is what you think gayness is; limitation: living is not necessarily showing), we can logically equate this to a depressed straight husband not showing his boss at sa mga kaibigan niya his surge of negative emotions. If you decide to call it, one being not true to himself. Then you just made yourself an entry to the world of lies. I warn you, the more you relate things and people to your own concept of lies, the more you infer people being untrue, the little your world becomes true.

The subject matter is tricky. Aminin na natin. Ako, ayokong maging gay, pero base sa nararamdaman ko, I know that I am not straight. I live the way a straight man would. Given the choice, do I wish to become a full-pledge straight man? Yes I would. Pero ang problema, I know I am not, dahil I also get sexually attracted to other men. To some, they’ll just simplify it. I am bisexual, end of story.

But you know what, TL won’t even use that word because it’s an escapist term for me. Sa akin, it’s either you’re gay or straight. Since I get turned on by men, and on that note, that would mean I am gay. But what if I am compared to a man who insists that he is straight, but claims that he is very much secured with his sexuality, but gets to bed with other men just for the kicks… would one actually equate him as “straighter” than me, considering what he’s been doing against what I did not?

Okay, lengthy post. Sumakit ang ulo ko. Hehe.

So maybe, based on experience, I can say that yes, meron kang choice of acting straight and living straight. But these actions are just preventive reactions against your natural emotions, because unfortunately, emotions are something na di mo maloloko o di mo makokontrol. Living straight does not necessarily make you straight...

Natja122108b

"Gusto mo kita tayo tomorrow?.. Tapos diyan na rin ako magstay..
Tuesday night na ako uwi.."

The Stranger

A few years after I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around from then on.

As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors. Mom taught me good from evil, and Dad taught me to obey. But the stranger... he was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures, mysteries and comedies.

If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future! He took my family to the first major basketball game.

He made me laugh, and he made me cry. The stranger never stopped talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind. Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to the kitchen for peace and quiet. (I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)

Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger never felt obligated to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home... Not from us, our friends or any visitors. Our longtime visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush. My Dad didn't permit the liberal use of alcohol. But the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular basis. He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly and pipes distinguished. He talked freely (much too freely!) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing.

I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by the stranger. Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked... And NEVER asked to leave.

More than twenty five years have passed since the stranger moved in with our family. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first. Still, if you could walk into my parents' den today, you would still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures.

His name?

We just call him, "TV".

He has a wife now. We call her "Computer."

THEY DON'T HAVE INTERCOURSE, THEY HAVE INTERNET.

Jay and the Manila Cathedral

Last monday, after my last day in training, I went to Manila to see Jem and Jze to give their christmas gifts. It was the only chance for me to do it as TL doesn't want any gifts ungiven after christmas day for friends. I feel that the friendship will be cursed if you miss to give your gift to them. Hehe. Wala lang, sarili ko lang pamahiin yun.

Anyways, pagdating ko sa Choo Chai, Jem's laundry shop, wala pa si Jze. At yes, yun ang name nang shop niya. Hehe. That was my first time also to visit her shop. Finally. The place is nice. Lavander kong lavander ang kulay nang lugar. Kulet. So konting kamustahan at kwentuhan hanggang dumating na si Jze.

Then suddenly, I told them that I will be meeting Jay as well to give his gift. Sinabay sabay ko na lahat nang nasa manila area para isahan lang. Then, it just popped out in my mind to bring them along with me so Jze can finally meet Jay. So they both accompanied me. Jem drove the car para mas mabilis. Traffic hours na kasi nun. I texted Jay that we were on our way na.

Pagdating namin sa Intramuros, sa Palacio Del Gobernador, where Jay's office is located, just beside Manila Cathedral, I asked him to meet us outside so it will just be easier. May konting kaba kasi after a long time, I will then again see the guy I fell in love with. But I kept hiding the feeling kasi kasama ko ang dalawang taong pinanganak na malakas ang pang-amoy nang mga nararamdaman ko.


Then there was Jay. The same guy with his very pinoy machismo look. Mr. Machete alive. Mas lumaki lang ang katawan niya ngayon. Panay ang gym kasi. At yun agad ang banat ko after giving my gift to him. Siyempre, si Mr. Denial forever, sasabihing di daw siya nagpapalaki. Ngerks! It's so obvious. Hehe. Pinagpapawisan siya that time kasi katatapos lang nang christmas party nila. Sumayaw daw siya. Pinilit siyang sinali sa presentation. Kamusta naman, hindi naman magaling sumayaw yun. I'm sure, nagpiyesta lang ang mga matatandang b-zingers doon sa kanya. Hehe.

Kaunting kamustahan lang. Although he invited us for a snack, treat daw niya. Kaso we can't stay that long at that time because marami pang gagawin si Jem. Sayang nga eh. Namiss ko pa naman si Jay. But again, in appreciation sa pagsama at pagdrive ni Jem, mas binigyang importansya ko yun (yes, lalim). Tapos, inaasar niya ako sa buhok ko. Ayaw niya kasi. Di na daw ako bata para sa mga ganitong buhok (hay, si lolo talaga) hehe.

Then, Jay asked me where's Nathan. I told him kasi bago ako lumabas nang work at pumunta nang manila na kasama si Nathan. Kaso, late si mokong, iniwan ko na. Gusto pa naman ma-meet ni Jay, and I don't know why. Gusto ko rin sana mameet ni nathan si Jay. And again, I don't know why also. I'm sure, it's gonna be awkward, at kung nagkataon, first time kong ma-experience yun. Both my Past and Present in front of me. Ngeee!!!

So, bago umalis, Jze, Jem and I were amazed with the area that's why we decided to take some pictures. It's so beautiful especially the Manila Cathedral. Here are some shots:

TL outside the gates of Palacio del Gobernador

Jem and the Manila Cathedral

TL, ruining Jze and Jem's duo shot. Hehe.

And the feeling celebrity shot, taken by Jze

We then bid our goodbyes to Jay. It was tough. But I'm glad it happened. I finally moved on. It was the meeting I was waiting to happen. I then have released all the sorrows of the past. I was happy. And it happened in front of a church. Para tuloy may divine intervention. Hehe. And I am glad that Jem and Jze were with me. Here's the text Jay sent when we left:

"Thanks for this ha..
Kahit nakakahiya na ikaw mismo ang pumunta dito..
Pero nagpapasalamat pa rin ako sa efforts mo..
Gusto sana kita i-hug kanina.."

I'm glad he didn't. It would have changed everything. Now, all of my attention are focused on Nathan. No more distraction. Thanks Jay! Wishing you a merry christmas from the bottom of my heart...