Model Encounter I

Brent is a go-go dancer at one of the hottest pink clubs in Malate when I met him years ago. I didn't meet him there though, but he just told me that during weekends, he dances on the stage, together with other hot guys with gorgeous bodies, grooving with every beat of the music. And during weekdays, he works as a fitness instructor at one of the premiere fitness clubs in the metro.

When I asked him why does he dance as a go-go when he has a decent work already. He said that he enjoys dancing, and being watched and adored by men. He doesn't see it as work, but as fun-work. And from there, someone gave him a chance in the modeling world, and the rest was history. Now, he's in Singapore doing some part-time modeling jobs, and part time fitness instructor. No more dancing, but still watched and adored by men thru a more decent work.

I met him through friendster. It started from a friend invitation, and messages were exchanged, phone numbers as well, and we remained text friends for almost 2 years. We never reached the point of meeting up as we were not that interested to do so. We were so fine with the set-up that we never thought of seeing each other. Another reason for me was that, I was engaged in a relationship at that time.

Then one night, when we were both online in YM for the first time, he asked me to have a small chat before he sleeps. What we just had were pure reminiscing of the 2 years that passed, never saw each other, but remained good friends. Suddenly, he asked me to open my cam so he can see me. I obliged to his request. But I did not ask to open his. I knew at that point, he just want to view me live. I gave in.

The next thing that happened, he asked me for a meet up. That quick. He said it was about time. I was single already at that time so I was up for his invitation. Then we met, and he brought me to his pad in Libis, Quezon City where we had our more deep conversation. He was sweet. His "bestfriend" was there too. But he never bothered us. He was very accommodating, but I wasn't giving my all yet. Not yet time to lay my cards. I was seriously observing sincerity.

I was having the weird feeling that we will end up in bed that night. On that first meet up. I liked him. He's sexy, and damn good looking. Who would say no to him. So I was ready for whatever that night. I have nothing to compromise. And so it was. I was right. After watching TV, he invited me to go the room and spend the rest of the night there with him. And what has been expected to happen happened.

It was good though. He was gentle and took things easy. That's how I like it to be done. Romantic and passionate. I fell asleep. But after a few hours, I woke up with his bestfriend on my left side, and him on the right side. I was in the middle of two gorgeous guys sleeping. I embraced Brent. He got awake. I told him I will leave at 5:00am. It was 3:30am that time. He took me outside the room quietly so not to disturb his bestfriend.

There in the living room we did it again. 2nd round. I was giving it to him. What he wants. In the window, on the sofa, on the floor. A night to remember. He's getting in to me already that's why I took a bath after it and started preparing to leave. He's a sinful pleasure. I gave in quickly, which is out of my norms and standards. But no regrets. For me, things will end that night. I did not expect more. And I left.

But I was wrong with my expectation. It continued. 3 more meetings, same place, same events, with different people I met inside his pad. It was a get-away for me. I know I like him but I'm not feeling any love inside. I just enjoyed the moment. Until the 5th meeting came, no sex happened, but what he had was a proposal for a relationship. I was shocked. I didn't answer. Instead, I asked him a lot of questions to help me in making my answer.

There he told me that he does some go-go dancing in Malate, and the guys I met in his pad were go-go dancers as well. It's their pad, and not actually his. It's where some go-go boys are housed by what I guess the owner or manager of the go-go boys. I was fine with the go-go thing about him. But when I asked him if he's willing to stop dancing if we get in to a relationship, that's where I found my answer.

I left the pad with a sad heart. I gave him a no to his proposal. My answer came from his reply when he said he can't just give up his go-go dancing. I was young at that time to be not so open and broad-minded with things. All I want was to get what I want. And when I didn't get it, I left. A selfish act. A childish behavior. He kept calling me, texting me, sending me messages over YM, but I never replied. I fully ignored him.

Since then, he started making my life miserable. He stalked on me for how many months. He always knew where I was. He showed up in Shangri-la Makati when I was attending a conference there. He knew where was my new work. He sometimes tell me what I was wearing and who I was with. He sends messages to those who I date. He was so crazy and I was so freaking mad at him. It took time for him to let go.

My friendster became a tele-novela at one point because there he freely expressed all his emotions, shooting anyone he wants. But my bestfriend, and the cousin of my ex were so protective they keep on fighting in behalf of me. Exchange of dirty and nasty messages were all flying in my friendster page. It really became a drama-rama, and friends enjoyed it for some reason. You can read it by clicking this: Tele-Novela

Now, he has tamed himself and finally realized it's going nowhere. And the things that he does to win me back are not really working and he's making it more worse for me. His life in Singapore changed him for the better. He became more matured in dealing with life, especially in relationships, and his views became more clearer, and perspectives became sharp. I'm happy for him though.

I still like him. He still loves me. But I don't have love for him. He may have the body, the sexual skills, the looks, the profession, the killer smile, the lips, the height, but all of these were just not what I want to have. I just don't feel any spark for him, and that I have no control of. If only my heart can be dictated, I may be choosing him. But that doesn't work that way. Love is felt unexpectedly. And that's the beauty of its magic. That's why love is magical.

This is his latest message to me:

James, my heart aches within from missing you. My lips long for the feel of kissing you. Right now, all I need is to gently touch your skin again, to look into your eyes and see how you always look so deep within. I miss the last warm embrace you gave me. That night james.

If I could gaze upon your smile for just a little while so I would know that you miss me too. I sit here alone in my office tonight, and praying to find for that one who was just meant for me. I can't explain the magic or why this should be but there is one thing that I know for certain. That this just ain't over till one of us draws the final curtain.

I've seen an angel and I want you to know that if it's my choice to make, I'll never let you go. Don't know what life holds, maybe there's no reason or rhyme, to think that you may be mine in a matter of time or not. And though I cannot touch you and we are now apart, my love, you do dwell, so deep within my heart.