On Sexuality issue Part I

“Being Gay” is different from “To be Gay”. And for TL, what is fundamental to a person eh yung tendency niya to be gay. May mga qualities that are innate in a person, the tastes we acquire, at yung tastes we are born with. Lahat tayo ipinanganak na inosente, and with this innocence, we assume non-commitment and non-decision to things and events, hanggang sa ma-experience natin.

Therefore, once this tendency is nurtured by experience with people, places and things, a decision is formed consciously or subconsciously. This is not to discount yung mga arguments that “gayness” is in-born, pero this is only to allow free will to exist, na kahit kailan, must not be judged as an abominating furrow or outre.

We decide things we accept (Sa tingin ko maganda yung Barbie). We accept things we consider truth (Maganda talaga si Barbie). Hence, hinahayaan natin yung innate qualities natin to be contested by our later acquired taste, and make decisions coinciding our nature, its content, and its strength (Gusto ko magka-Barbie dahil maganda siya pero hinding hindi ako magiging katulad niya kaya ayokong maging katulad ni Barbie). Gets?

During my childhood years, I never enjoyed playing girl stuff. Di din ako nagtry mag-fit nang mga lady's dress, neither fancied doing it. I did not try putting make-up on my face. But some people have expressed that I can have the tendency to be gay. But yet, I chose not to be, fought it and made sure that when I grow up, I will be a straight guy. But I was wrong. Destiny has led me on this way.

I agree that acting manly or effeminate may well be a pre-disposition too, and concurrently, in-born. Dahil, we are of many names, we are of with many different groups. One is a brother, one is a corporate manager, one is a son, one is a painter, one is a catholic, and he is just One of different names. Though maraming naniniwala that being gay is a way of life, but showing it is not necessarily a pre-requisite to living Gay.

Kung ang isa ay nagdesisyon not to show his gayness at work (assumption: gayness is what you think gayness is; limitation: living is not necessarily showing), we can logically equate this to a depressed straight husband not showing his boss at sa mga kaibigan niya his surge of negative emotions. If you decide to call it, one being not true to himself. Then you just made yourself an entry to the world of lies. I warn you, the more you relate things and people to your own concept of lies, the more you infer people being untrue, the little your world becomes true.

The subject matter is tricky. Aminin na natin. Ako, ayokong maging gay, pero base sa nararamdaman ko, I know that I am not straight. I live the way a straight man would. Given the choice, do I wish to become a full-pledge straight man? Yes I would. Pero ang problema, I know I am not, dahil I also get sexually attracted to other men. To some, they’ll just simplify it. I am bisexual, end of story.

But you know what, TL won’t even use that word because it’s an escapist term for me. Sa akin, it’s either you’re gay or straight. Since I get turned on by men, and on that note, that would mean I am gay. But what if I am compared to a man who insists that he is straight, but claims that he is very much secured with his sexuality, but gets to bed with other men just for the kicks… would one actually equate him as “straighter” than me, considering what he’s been doing against what I did not?

Okay, lengthy post. Sumakit ang ulo ko. Hehe.

So maybe, based on experience, I can say that yes, meron kang choice of acting straight and living straight. But these actions are just preventive reactions against your natural emotions, because unfortunately, emotions are something na di mo maloloko o di mo makokontrol. Living straight does not necessarily make you straight...