Wow! Pahabaan na nga ang labanan. Shet! At nagmumukha na ngang "Dear Heart" ang blogsite ko. Hehe. At!!! (hindi ko kinaya ito) May nagtampo pa na isang reader nang blog ko na nagsend din nang story niya through email pero bakit di ko daw pinost. Hay! Sorry naman. Di po ito Maala-ala mo kaya...
So... Addict ka na pala sa akin. Wahaha. Just kidding. Para na pala akong isang marijuana. Haha. Grabe na sa effort nang pag-antabay sa blog ko ha, nakakataba nang puso kong malaki. Hehe. Nahiya naman ako at kailangan mo pang gamitin ang phone mo to access internet. I know it's expensive. Shucks! Di bale, mayaman ka naman eh. Hehe.
I really intended to post random craziness of mine here in my blogsite. That's my complete personality kasi. I am like that at work also. I don't want someone to be so predictable. It will take time for you to read my actions, my words and my mind. I always want to put spice and mystery in everything. That's just me. Hehe.
And by the way, thanks for allowing me to post your email here in my blogsite, and thanks for the stories you've been sharing. Thank you for entrusting me with those memories. And because of that, I now have a glimpse of your character as well. Hay! Para lang kitang pasyenteng pinag-aaralan. Hehe. But I'm enjoying it!!!
It excites me. I always love mind challenges. I like analyzing things. I like reading people's behavior, actions, personality and character. I enjoy questioning the norms. I like to put contradictions to every things just to shake one idea. Basta, I enjoy those things. Kaya nga siguro crazy ako. Hehe.
Anyways, interesting yung yahoo group where my blogsite was broadcasted ha. I wanna treat that person. Hehe. Wildion, thanks for always visiting my site. Actually, feeling ko nga ngayon, konti na lang ang nagbabasa kasi wala na masyadong nagco-comment. Pero yung counter ko disagrees to what I feel. Hehe.
It's nice to know about your work. Interesting. I've always been curious to different lives of people. Some of them are those who works in a hospital, those who are macho dancers, and those security guards. Before, when I got curious about the lives of people living in a slum area, nakipagkaibigan ako to some of them just to feed my curiousity. I really pamper my weird inetersts. It's amazing kasi what are the things that you can learn out of it.
The doctors/nurses, the macho dancers, and the security guards, I'm not really interested with their job, I'm just so curious about their lives. How they deal with their life, with the people around them, their routine, etc. It's interesting for me. Wala lang. Sobrang curious lang talaga siguro ako.
Anyways, talking about your friends Roland and Cathy, what you've been through with them is just normal to a gay life especially during the "denial stage". Hindi yan something new. I think every gay guy went through that stage. Even me. Kanya-kanyang version lang yan nang drama. May simple, may ma-eksena, may madugo, may nakaka-iyak, may masaya.
But come to think of it, those people were the ones used by destiny to open your eyes in seeing the reality. Your life ahead. Your future. It's already a glimpse of the things to come in to your life. Preview kung baga.
And the pain you felt during that stage has given you a memory that will last for a long time so that it will serve as your lesson, your guide, your reminder in the present and in the future. It's the exact validation I was referring to that no matter how your mind tells you that "you are not", your heart will feel and will tell you the inner truth.
There was this one time also that I felt I was a good matchmaker. Because lahat nang friends kong nirereto ko with someone I think would work for them eh nagkakatotoo. Primarily, it's because we're in the middle of the two sexes. We can understand the feelings of a guy and the feelings of a girl, that's why we can easily determine what would work in terms of matching people.
That's the gift of pink people. Knowing both feelings. Understanding both minds. Akala ko pa nga noon nabiyayaan ako nang isang diwata nang isang gift, kasi parang ang galing galing ko mag-match. But I came to a realization (after thinking of it for a lot of times) na it's a hidden given thing for "us".
I also do not believe that in your sorrowness comes the happiness of others. Nangyayari lang yun if you inappropriately attach yourself to a situation, or to someone na una pa lang, alam mo nang mali o hindi pwede. Kaya nga when we help some straight guys, we need to assure first in our self that it's a clean and honest help. Walang other motives or agenda para secure ka in the end of zero-pain. Buti na lang ako, maingat ako sa ganyan. Hehe.
Wildion, talking about going out, inuunahan mo na kasi nang kaka-isip nang mga pwedeng mangyari. That's actually the essence of going out, the exciting part, the unpredictable things. You can never put a script on everything. There are really things that are intended not to be known immediately. It's what we call surprises of life.
That's the fun part of it. Not knowing what will happen. Either it will give you a "nakakahiya" moment, or the other way around. Malay mo si right guy ay makikilala mo pala sa labas unexpectedly. Love is anywhere, but the one that is for you could just be a few steps from you. Baka yung steps mo na lang towards him ang hinihintay. Baka dahil sa di ka gumagalaw, hindi talaga kayo magkakabungguan. Hehe.
Face your fears. Just make sure that when you go out, first is, that you put in your mind that you just want to go out, have fun, enjoy life and see all the possibilities in the world. Hindi yung lalabas ka kasi baka may ma-meet ka and all. Not that! Or else, you'll end up frustrated pag hindi nangyari yung inaasahan mo. Gets?
I am glad to rekindle your passion for writing (it's so obvious) hehe. I can feel you from each word you write. I am impressed actually. You are good, though wordy like me (hehe), but you can see the heart of the writer from each email. Isn't it so nice to write so freely!!! So keep writing!!! Hehe.
I dreamed to be come a writer before when I was in college. But during that time, my self-esteem was not that high and I felt I have no enough skills on it. So I stopped. But I always know that my mind was blessed with so much creativity. I just can't stop thinking. The creative juices are overflowing.
And my creativity is much appreciated whenever I execute an idea, when I say things in my mind out loud, or when I write it. And I find blogging to be the best venue to let some of the things in my mind come out. Not to impress someone or anyone, but to serve as a release of the exploding thoughts and ideas inside my mind. Haha, parang masturbation lang.
Actually, I'm still wishing that someday, I can have like a talk show. I just know I can put a good show. I know I can carry good conversations and properly ask questions. And I wanna use that show to reach out to people. Like Tyra Banks Show. Using media as a medium to help a lot of people realize a lot of things. And to influence.
For now, siguro blog na lang muna. Through a small audience, I will try my best to influence few people (with my craziness). Hehe. And I am grateful to see a large number of people visiting my site everyday. Nakaka-overwhelm actually. Either they are followers or just viewers (I just can't tell), I don't mind. I appreciate it.
People telling their feelings is part of my job my friend. I deal with people everyday. And listening is just one of my powerful tools I use to help people. I think I'm good with it. Maybe that's why a lot of people trusts me, and they freely share their stories/problems without hesitation. I love listening to people!!!
Na-excite ako when you mentioned about the ice cream (shet!) pero nagpipigil na talaga ako doon. Actually, dalawang araw na akong nakapag-ice cream. Saksi pa si Kumander. Hay! Lagot kay Manny! Ang hirap kasi talaga iwasan. Ewan ko ba. Malaking temptation talaga itong ice cream. Hassle!
And wow! You used my ex-es as an example to your class. Sheeeeettttt!!!! Mas sumikat sila kaysa sa akin!!!! Hmpf!!! Haha. Just kidding. Wow! Swerte nila ha. They have to thank me and offer me a one hot steamy night for that. Haha. Just kidding again. And, I don't mind you used them. Did you say to your class also that those are the guys who broke my heart? Haha. Last na just kidding na ito.
You think Kenjie and I will work? Mukhang malabo yan eh. Madami pa siyang issues sa sarili niya ngayon. Ayaw nga makipagkita at di pa daw siya handa akong makita. Ano na! Hinahayaan ko na nga lang eh. Hehe. Actually, kagabi, I had a dream where two of my ex-es are there. It's so weird. I don't know what's the meaning of that. Basta, weird!
I swear Wildion, when I got your email and started reading it, tawa ako nang tawa sa galak. Hay! Kaaliw ka! Bigla tuloy pumasok sa kuwarto si mamiko and wondered why I was laughing alone in my room. Hehe. At grabe, sobrang pinapataba mo ang puso ko. Hay! Salamat nang marami. Touch ako!!!
Feel free to send me an email anytime. I love hearing your stories. And I love posting it. Haha. Take care!
Jerjerly yours,
TL
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