Wildion replies Part III

Ohayo gozaimasu, TL-san!!! (Nihonggo for Good morning; san is like “honorific”) Ogenki desu ka? (How are you?)

Gosh!!!! Actually, everytime na nagbabasa ako ng mga sinusulat mo dito, lalo na yung responses mo sa mga letter ko, hindi ko mapigil ang tumawa. As in, una impit na smile, kaso parang overwhelming talaga kaya, hayun, tawa to the max na. Anyways, alam mo TL, kahapon (Monday yan ha), panay ang connect ko sa internet. At bawat connect 10 pesos agad ang “kupit” ng Smart sakin. Hay, pero bahala na. Impulsive kasi ako. Pag gusto ko, talagang I get it, kahit na maubos pa pera ko. Hehe….

And TL sana magkakaroon ka na nito ng cardiomegaly (heart enlargement), wala akong ibang reason ng pag-iinternet kundi masilayan lang ang bago mong entries. The whole day, I waited na mapublish yung second part ng letter ko at ang reply mo. Sad to say, I tried the whole day pero wala. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, “Ano ba? Tumino ka nga? Ang dami mong work, o. Tingnan mo tambak na sa mesa mo. Bakit parang adik ka sa kakacheck diyan?”

Eh alam ko namang once in a day ka lang usually nagchecheck ng blog mo. As far as I could remember, nasabi mo sa isa mong entry about your time management , nung night shift ka ‘ata, na work ka mga 6pm until 5 in the morning, tapos gym then go home pero bago sleep eh, bloggin’ muna for about two hours.

Hay, yung sked na yan ang nakaprogram sa mind ko ngunit nung Sunday, nakita ko na yung time ng pagpost mo ng entry mo ay 3 in the afternoon kaya hayun, nung Monday asa to the max ako na may update. Haha…. Palagay ko stalker mo na ako…. Wala lang.. Baka pathologic na ito? My gosh, TL! Baka nga sakit na to? Hehe..

And don’t worry about visitors. I-popromote kita sa lahat ng students ko (hopefully ma-influence ko sila ano. Dami kayang PLUs dun. Just wait ha. Malapit na ang start ng mga review para sa June Nursing board exam kaya dami na naman raket ko at most importantly, dadami na rin mga students ko. Try ko talagang i-endorse tong site mo.

Well, since it seems you are really one trustworthy kuya-friend to me, I better be honest. At least I’ll try to be here. (I just don’t find myself honest to myself. Sorry.) I am like this Aphrodite-trapped-in-Adonis’s-body kind of person. I don’t know. Actually, I am just like you. I wanted to be straight. Damn, how I’ve psychologically tried to be one, but I just failed in all of those attempts. You know, the frustration of being not able to reach the norms of the people around you was just unbearable.

Actually, I really want to be a straight guy. I don’t really want to be like this. I want to have a family, have my own sweet kids. The only problem is that I always want to be the mother! (Baka isipin mong talagang mahinhin ako at nagdadamit babae ha. A big “No!”) I want to have a husband. That’s the biggest problem. No matter how I try to change my mind’s orientation, I just couldn’t. My heart just wouldn’t accept what my brain dictates. So complicated, neh? Well, that is it.

That is why I envy you TL. That is the real reason of my expressed envy of you. You are straight-acting and that gives you a better advantage of finding a good-looking, straight-acting guy than me. I still am suspended in this trance of being a woman. Yet, do you know that I never really wanted to dress like one? I still go for the fashion of males. I want to copy what “straight” men wear. I know I can carry my clothes well.

The real problem is no matter how manly my clothes are, I most of the time lose it. I am so accustomed to acting effeminate everytime I go with people I know understand me, but I always try to look manly before those people whom I believe still cannot accept the real me. Although I know, I have not been that good in pretending and have given them ample of hints regarding my identity, yet I still do it, just for the sake of retaining the respect these people accorded me.

Now does this give you a hint why I told you that you are the exact projection of who I want to be? You are undeniably smart, outgoing, responsible and most of all you value emotions in a relationship rather than pure flesh – traits that I could easily identify with. That is why, seeing your life unfold before me everyday is like seeing myself live the life I wanted. Please forgive me for this seemingly treacherous “manggagamit” action. I don’t intend to but it just happened. That is why I am very much pleased you have accepted me as your friend. This really means a lot to me.

Well regarding your TV show, let’s call it simply “TL”. Such small word with thousands of meanings. True Love. Too Loving. Trip Lang. Team Leader… and so on. That show is about free association – just talking about anything. Or maybe, yung experiences mo? You may want to share all the lessons you learned.

You could invite all your ex-es on your pilot episode and then iron out things which seemed so vague before (parang ibinuyangyang mo na ang buong buhay mo niyan… hehe… bad script writer kaya ako? Hmmm…). Malay mo, magiging matchmaker ka ulit and then meron sa kanilang magkakagustohan. Haha…. Crazy, crazy…

By the way, is Jay a lawyer? You said he’s taking up his master’s in law. I do believe so he is. Kasi para yatang hindi mo naisulat kung ano talaga yung profession niya just that he’s taking his master’s degree.. Hay, TL, kung magkaganyan, wala ka nang problema. Solve na lahat ng legal conflicts mo. Mahal kaya ngayon ng abogado. Appearance lang naman ayhndi bababa sa 10,000 ha. Kaya masuwerte ka.

About your ex-es, hay… mga girls were like… “My gosh! Ang guwapo niya. Sayang.” Guys were like, “really? Nagjo-joke ka sir?” haha… kasi they really look straight. Kaya sabi ko “Girls, mag-ingat-ingat kayo. Baka ang kaholding hands niyo, iba ang “hinohold” pag wala kayo.” Hahaha… tawa lang sila nang tawa… but when you said, “people who broke ‘your’ heart” para yatang, I could sense na me mali silang ginawa sa yo. Anyways, I will not intrude into your personal life. I know you don’t wish to divulge much info about your heartaches… you want to forget them.

Pero I do believe na along your journey forward in life, may makikita ka pang marami diyan – men who will really be true to you. Hindi naman mahirap sa’yo yan eh. Yun nga o, may Jowell ka na naman. Hehehe… yung sa chatbox mo… nililigawan ka na non… haha… saya ng buhay mo TL. And because of our talk, na-lilighten up yung day ko. In fairness, pause naman ako sa work at magsulat nito.. Nakakaadik talaga.

At dahil sa Open Arms niyo ni Jay last Valentines, mukha yatang favorite ko na ngayon si Mariah. Actually dalawa lang sa songs niya ang talagang gusto ko. Yung Open Arms ni Jay para sa’yo at ang Love Takes Time (to heal when you’re hurting so much)… hay….

Na-e boja (Korean: See ya)

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