What if your guy admits he cheated on you?

Another scene I like in the movie "He is just not that in to you" (sorry, I'm still stucked to it), was the part when Ben (Bradley Cooper) admitted to his wife Janine (Jennifer Connelly) inside a warehouse store that he cheated on her. They were just a newly wed couple who has been dating since college. It was the first time he cheated due to the fact that they don't have great sex anymore.

The guy tried hiding it at first, and continued enjoying his affair with Anna (Scarlett Johansson) until he got to the point that he's liking the girl more than his wife already (because Anna is so good on bed). It was a shocking revelation to Janine when his guy confessed. But in the end, she broke up with Ben and decided to live on her own. It's a sad truth and this really happens in real life.


I then started contemplating on that. What would you do if your guy admitted that he cheated on you? What would be your response? Will you curse him? Will you forgive him because you love him so much? I've been cheated by some of my ex-es, and I had multiple reactions from each of them. And there are some things that I learned out of those.

I learned that nothing destroys a relationship more than when your partner cheats. Many issues are affected in the relationship, the least of which is trust. The hurt partner’s self-esteem is shattered, the love that binds two people together is permanently maimed, and the idea of continuing to be together becomes a nightmare. No one can pinpoint any specific reason for cheating except to say that it is not something which “just happens.”

Having a partner cheat is very heartbreaking. The idea that the man who vowed to love and honor you can leave a partner lost and overwhelmed with hurt. If there are attachments to the family of your partner in the picture, the pain is doubled because of their emotional upheaval. When a guy cheats on his partner, the results can be devastating and can cause a ripple effect of pain and resentment that can last years.

What should you do when confronted by the fact that your guy cheated?

The best action that can be taken after finding out that your guy has cheated is no action. Do nothing for forty-eight hours. You are in shock and shock makes you do irrational things. Let the knowledge settle in and think of what your next course of action will be a week from that first day. Give yourself time to understand what has happened.

Establish what this breach of trust has done to your relationship. If your guy is sincerely contrite and wants the relationship to continue, decide if that is what you want also. Give yourself time to make the decision. It should not be a moment of you thinking about your partner, but it should be a moment where you will think about yourself.

Do not go for payback also. Don’t have an affair just to “get even.” If forgiveness is possible for you, do so. Understand that forgiveness doesn’t make what he did excusable. Learning to trust again will be very difficult, but don’t play the martyr. Let him know the pain he caused you. Remember, you are the one who is hurting. Give yourself plenty of time to heal.

When decisions are hard, really hard, like this one, try to think with your heart, not with your head. Try to not over think also, just sit quietly and listen to yourself. You will know, one way or the other what to do. What you hear may not be what you want to hear, but if you trust that little voice, it will be the right decision for you. Looking back, listening to your Self is always the best bet. Go with your gut, your instinct and your heart. Believe me, you'll never be wrong...