I must admit. I've dreamed of going out with this guy since the day I had a glimpse of his profile and pictures. This was the time when I was still single. When you were trying to figure out what you want to have next after the last relationship. Online men window-shopping, as what I say.
But I never sent this guy a message. I just don't do that. But last two weeks, I was surprised when I received a message from him complementing my "Modelo" folder in my photo albums. I appreciated it and responded back to me asking if we can meet. I was then again shocked not expecting that I would receive such an invite from him. I replied to him a week after because I really don't know what to answer. And everything started from there.
I faced few fears last night. I was so conscious. Although there's no expectation set for that date, I was still making sure I keep things the way it should be. It's a fantasy came alive. This guy that I secretly adore was now in front of me, giving his killer smile and trying to bring out all information he can get from me. Of course, I never showed my so much interest on him. I was very discreet. I'm an actor. I can hide it.
We just had a dinner in Itallianis. We had a very long conversation. Lagi namang ganun eh. Nag-eenjoy ang mga nakaka-date kong kausap ako. We stayed for 3 and a half hours inside the restaurant talking about different shits in our lives. It was a very light happy exchange of stories. Awkwardness was gone when I started throwing out punchlines. I'm glad it worked for him.
He keeps on doubting that I am not in a relationship. I just kept smiling at him. I myself doubt too that for a hot guy like him, it's too impossible that he is single. I was reading his mind, his actions, his gestures. I keep on looking at his eyes to see truth and lies. I test his brain that he will not notice. But man! He is good. He was playing my game.
We left and had our seperate ways. He asked for a second date. And this is a shocker. I answered him "Let's just text each other about that...". Yeah, I know, this crazy me always get a big fish whenever I am in a relationship. Why all of them comes when you're not free. Why when I am single, they are not around. And when I found someone, they all just pop-out and gets in your way. Crap!
It is true, that when it rains, it pours. And when it's not, it's drought. It was just like the movie I watched, The Heart Break Kid. When Ben Stiller found his love, he thought that was the end of it, until he found out the side effects of the one he got and met another person to ruin everything he has.
Technically, I can now see new people. But I just can't seem to focus now with love. I don't see good things with men. I see a blank page. My interest level is still down. I'm confused. I'm distracted. I don't even know where my heart is right now. I am lost. Really really lost in love. Damn!
I still have unfinsihed business with nathan. I know that a lot of you are dying to know what happened. I just can't tell it right now. I still have to figure things out. I love him. I just need to find my way back to him to talk about things. A time where I will spend another moment with him, which I can simply call my "Dream Date".
For my fantasy guy, we'll see....
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