I've been an avid reader of your blogsite. It seems to me that you have a lot of sense when it comes to love and relationship. And this has made me write to you as I just need to know your thoughts about my current situation. You are the second person I am gonna tell about this, and I guess you will also be the last. It's just so complicated I cannot tell to all of my friends. So your thoughts will matter to me a lot.
I'm in a relationship with this guy for a few months already. We have great similarities and we really enjoy each other's company. Not discounting the fact that we have also some issues that we argue about but we never let a day pass by not resolving it. I can say my guy is patient and very understanding with my mood swings. I am lucky to have him. But if I summarize our relationship, considering him being patient and understanding, I feel that it's still a boring relationship.
Whenever we see each other, we just do the normal thing that partners do. But he rarely talks about what's going on with his life. Although he listens to my stories, but not most of the time. He enjoys watching TV more than having conversation with me. When I ask him to pick me up at work, he gives me excuses. He hasn't even met my colleagues who have been asking about him for quite some time. And when I ask about his future plans, he gives me silence and doesn't answer me at all.
I love him. I can understand what's going through him, with his family and other stuff. But what about me? What about my happiness? What about things that will satisfy me as his partner? I know it's too early to ask about these things but everyday that I see him, it's getting boring and boring. I am missing the "kilig" moments.
Suddenly, somebody came over and gave spark in my heart. Someone whom I have aspired but came only when I am already in a relationship. It all started from a simple text, I gave in, and then it continued. The things that I am looking for in a guy was all in him. The things that my partner can't give was given to me, without even asking at all. This has caused problems to me. I feel I am betraying my partner. I feel so much guilt.
Although I advised him that I'm already taken, he still persists and he said that he will do everything to get me, even if it takes him to wait for a very long time. All he is asking is to keep the communication and see each other if given a chance. I love my partner but I also like him. I know I can just easily leave my partner but I don't have the courage to break someone's heart.
Please help me. I am so confused. I don't know what to do anymore. Enlighten me TL. Please...
Vixhen
Vixhen,
Your situation is really confusing. Love is really complicated. We're human. It's all about the complexities of life and twists of dating and relationships. And what you're going through right now is also being experienced by a lot of people in the world. You are all looking for the right answer. Sometimes, even asking for the signs. But it's a good thing that you acknowledge your situation and admit your mistakes. That's the first good steps to solve your problem.
You have to consider also that you caused your own problem. If you didn't allow him, nothing will continue. Sabi nga sa Sex in the City, "A man will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you". If you are in a relationship, there will be people in our sorroundings that will test us; test our relationship. It's as simple as this: If the relationship is strong, nothing can break nor enter on it. If it's weak, even a tiny hole can create a big leak in the destruction of your relationship. Which in your case, the relationship is weak that's why this has happened.
You have two options on different things to choose from.
(1st) Start/Finish. Either you start a new relationship with the new guy you found that is making you happy, or finish the current one and make someone unhappy.
(2nd) Heavier/Lighter. You have to start weighing things. You have to figure out which weighs the most. The current, or the new one.
(3rd) Tested/Testing. This is now about thinking of practical things in life and in relationships. Which do you prefer? The one that has been tried and tested already, and still made you stay; or the one that you are now testing and willing to take the risk.
(4th) Need/Love. In finding someone to spend your life with, we should always consider these two things. Do we love someone because we need him? Or we need someone because we love him?
(5th) Happiness/Satisfaction. Are you really looking for happiness? Or are you just looking for things to satisfy your needs? Satisfaction is very selfish. It focuses only on you, your needs. But for happiness, it's not only about you but seeing someone being happy because of you.
I can only give 10 choices. Ang sakit sa ulo pag-isipan nang problema mo. Hehe. Pero ito lang yan, kung di ka na masaya, iwanan mo na. Will you let your life be stucked on that eh kung may choice naman na sumaya ka pala. Kung bago pa lang naman ang relasyon niyo ni current, at mukhang nagiging boring, why stay?
Pero did you try making an effort to make things work pa for you and your partner? Did you prepare a good date? When was the last time you did something together that is out of your routine? It takes two to tango to make a relationship work. Hindi yung pag nagkulang siya, aayawan mo na lang. Make an effort first. Mga ilang attempt siguro. Baka kasi nakikita mo na lang yung weakness niya kasi may nakilala kang bago na nasasapawan yung personality nang partner mo.
Alam naman na nating mali yang ginawa mo. Pero hindi mo rin naman totally ginusto na ganyan ang mangyari. Nagkataon lang lahat. Mga bagay na akala natin kontrolado natin pero minsan, hindi na pala. Kawawa nga lang yung partner mo kasi hanggang ngayon, ang alam niya, nagmamahalan pa kayo nang maayos. Sana makaramdam siya. Bakit di niyo pag-usapan. Who knows.
You really have to consider a lot of things that I cannot exactly tell because I'm not the one in that relationship and in that situation. Maraming factors pa yan eh. Pero kasi di ba, ang relationship, give and take, supply and demand, a shared commitment, a mutual responsibility. Kung wala nang ganun, mahihirapan magsurvive ang relationship. So think about it.
Ako kasi (at wag mong susundin ha), I've been in that situation na rin. Pero pag ayoko na, pag wala nang feelings, pag boring na, pag puro ikaw na lang, iniiwan ko na agad. Tinatapos ang dapat tapusin. Bakit pa dapat patagalin. Wala nang explain explain. Sabi nga uli sa Sex in the City, "Don't stay because you think it will get better. You will be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better".
You owe yourself a happiness lalo na kung matino ka sa relasyon. If you see yourself the one just giving love, and not getting the same, leave him!!! Nang walang pusong nakakaramdam na unfair ang pag-ibig. At sabi nga uli sa Sex in the City, "Always put yourself and your happiness first". Go to the next person in line. Hehe.
Vixhen, just think first. Give it a time. I suggest that you stop seeing them both muna and then just have your own time to think about things. Doon mo malalaman kung sino talaga ang hahanap-hanapin mo. You have been tested already. But don't end there. Keep testing yourself until you find the solution. You really have to think hard about who to choose.
Sino ba ang mas mahalaga? Ang taong mahal mo o ang taong gusto mong mahalin? Ang taong kasama mo buing araw o ang taong iniisip mo bago matapos ang araw? Yung taong nais mong makasama habang buhay? O yung taong hindi mo makita ang buhay kapag wala siya?
Sino ba ang mas matimbang? Yung taong pag kasama mo'y parang kay bilis ng oras? O yung taong tuwing iniisip mo'y parang kay bagal nang oras? Ano ang sususndin mo? Ang dinidikta mo sa puso mo o ang dinidikta nang nang puso mo sa'yo? Sino nga ba? Ang taong nagpapaluha sa'yo? O ang taong pumupunas sa minsang pagluha mo? Sino sa kanila? Ang taong nagpapatawa sa'yo? O ang taong dahilan nang lahat nang iyong emosyon?
Sino ang pipiliin mo? Ang taong muling nagbukas nang puso mo? O ang taong matagal nang nandoon? Remember, puso ang masasaktan mo. Hindi balat, hindi kuko, kundi isang bahagi nang katawan na very sensitive. So you better be careful in making the final decision.
Kung gusto mo, bigay mo muna silang dalawa sa akin, Ako muna ang magbabantay at mag-aalaga. Just kidding. Hehe.
Jerjerly yours,
TL
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