Birthday Entry XXVI: Angel Yap

Date Submitted: June 16, 2009

Alright. I know. Please. Forgive me. I am sorry. I feel awful. I am guilty. I wanted to be swallowed whole from my seat right now. Simple thing you asked me and I failed to. Though you know why. But still. Here I go again, I’m so sorry.

I’ve always had problem writing under pressure. I was a member of our school gazette and for two years, only managed to write five articles where one had a terrible closing because I was pressured. Tonight I thought of you, James. And now, I want to write. Here you go.

You are an exemplar. I never had so much faith in leaders. From politicians, to four-star generals, CEO’s, marketing gurus, and spiritual leaders, those very few ones who I look up to I can count with my fingers. I had a thinking that forty percent of them act by their own selfish requirements which is why as old as this world had lived, it has never really gotten far, if you come to think of it. That in fact it is even deteriorating in so many facets.

You are no politician or a spiritual leader or someone who belongs to any of the classes of leaders above, but you are outstanding because you, are all of them. You are one who holds one or two qualities of all of the above. Traits brought together and came a perfect mishmash. Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because you want to do it. And you are a master to that art.

I’ve written you this and I’m writing it again, that I could sit here forever and age and still wouldn’t completely express how I admire your leadership, but in a clear-cut manner I do because you never say "I", you don’t think "I", you think "we", you think "us", you think "team".

You discovered me right there. I could say I am a very difficult person to decipher. Many people say they come across me and do never realize what is in my head, that most of them end up puzzled, some offended, some thrilled. But you, from the moment I saw your eyes on the very first day we met, I already knew, oh no, this is someone who can easily decode me.

There was this mysterious gape in your eyes which is the same as mine and there I knew you were potentially one of the very very very few who can discover me. And you did. I can be a real poker face. And at the same time I can also show someone a “real” face, when I need and want to. So I am someone who is hard to catch lying.

And I did quite a few tests to know if you were really one of those very very very few amazing people who can catch me lying, and I was right, even without you telling me, I knew you knew I was lying. So you did, discover me. But watch out birthday boy, because I also can when you are.

You introduced me to my strengths. For years I never ever laid a plan for myself. I was overly spontaneous I had always found myself in trouble, both big and small ones. As you know, last year was the most horrible one. And you were there for me James, you weren’t physically there, but as I spoke with you, I felt an overwhelming need to change.

Strange that I did not get that feeling with the closest of my friends, but with you, surprisingly you whom I had only known for less than a year back then. I know that I am still not very close to what I should be, but I want you to know James that you changed a lot in me. You said only few things to me, but they hit me big time.

You held a torch above where I’ve been hiding at for so long. You said only few things to me, but hit me big time. I wish to spend more time with you and know you further. Please know that I am always here with whatever whenever you need someone. I am happy and feel lucky to have known you, to still have you, for being a friend, a guide, a mentor.

You are “love”. How you talk about Mamiko and the rest of your family had touched that sensitive part in my heart where longing for that want to want to enjoy my family as much as you do has been kept. I totally admire how you make sure that there is never a gap in between you all. How happy you all seem and the bond you share seems almost perfect.

There are few people I know like you who make it almost like a habit to ensure that love in the family is well shown and executed. All these makes me want to go to my mom and dad one evening, like when I was a kid, hug them both and tell them how much they mean to me and call my brothers and sisters to say I miss them so much.. Things which I have never done in more than ten years.

So having written this very long blog entry about you, in a nutshell, you are one great person James, you are an inspiration to me and I am sure to many of your other friends and colleagues out there. I just wish you more and more blessings to come, I wish that you would continue to be what you are right now, I wish that you find answers to questions you may still have, and I wish you deeper spiritual growth.

And I also want to make this as a medium to tell all those people who have hurt you and let you go that I pity them, because you are a treasure they just lost. And I also want you to realize if you still haven’t, to not find love. Because James, you are “love”. You are the one to be seeked for. Let that one person find you. God Bless You! Know that you are always loved by us! Love you! Feliz Cumpleaños!!!!