Why Bess and I are Friends

I still think the decision you made was very irresponsible. I hope Siege would make you change your mind. Pero deep inside, I know na you wouldn't listen to anyone na talaga. Naiinis ako sa'yo, kasi you're willing to throw everything away na ganun ganun lang! You're giving up everything you've worked so hard for! And all because of that asshole guy ***!!!! It's so disappointing!!!!!

I know you have other problems in mind but it all boils down to him eh. I know how it feels to be so hurt, to be so betrayed. Feeling mo wala kang ibang pwedeng lapitan. Feeling mo tinalikuran ka na ng lahat at pinaparusahan ka for a mistake you do not know about. You try to entertain yourself pero kahit saan ka pumunta, mukha parin niya yung nakikita mo.

Nakakabanas pa pag may nakikita kang couple na sobrang sweet and mukhang so in love. Gusto mong sigawan: "WAG KANG MANIWALA JAN! LOLOKOHIN KA LANG NANG GAGONG YAN!" Tapos, the only place where you feel safe would be your home pero putang ina kahit dun, hindi ka makakatakas sa problema. Kahit mag lock ka sa pinto, may naririnig kang nagsisigawan.

Ayaw mong magpatugtog kasi every fucking song reminds you of him. Hindi ka makatulog, hindi ka makakain, kahit gumimik ka with friends parang useless kasi feeling mo pabigat ka lang. Punyeta. Pag papasok ka sa trabaho, masaya ka for a while kasi nakikita mo yung ibang ka-chikahan mo. Pero not everyone knows what's going on and it's so hard to put on a happy face for everyone.

Others are looking to you for strength pero minsan gusto mo na silang batukan kasi sobrang kulit! Gusto mong sabihin na tangina, tanga ka ba?! Hindi lang ikaw ang may problema noh! Ang babaw babaw ng problema mo, sabihin ko kaya sayo yung sakin, gago.... (haaay, kung pwede lang talagang magwala sa office diba?)... Hay, James, sana nakapag usap pa tayo. I do know what you're going through.

Magaling lang talaga akong magkunwaring masaya. Diyos ko kung alam mo lang yung dinanas ko dati. An ordinary day during the lowest point in my life would be papasok muna ako sa caregiver school dito sa las pinas, derecho benilde for class, then rush to makati for work, sabayan mo pa ng walang kwenta at napakasakit na love life, at sobrang war sa pamilya. GANON!!!! That time, wala talaga akong friends! As in zero! Swerte mo kasi kahit papano, may humahatak parin sa'yo.

James! bakit mo ako iniwan? Ang tagal tagal kong walang totoong kaibigan. Nawala na si Hazel, ngayon naman ikaw! Ayaw kitang intindihin, gusto kong magalit sa'yo pero hindi ko kaya. Bakit mo iniisip na burden ka sa mga friends mo? Bakit mo iniisip na hindi ka namin kayang tulungan? Don't you trust us? I will be here for you just like you were there for me. I would have walked through fire with you anytime, any day!!!!

Diba gusto natin magkaroon ng friendship like the girls on sex and the city??? Akala ko ganon na yung friendshiip natin!!!! Who's going to handle the team na? Walang ibang TL ang makakapag buo ng team like you had! Dapat hindi ka muna umalis. Marami ka pang di natuturo samin! Marami pa tayong di napapag-usapan! James! (ayan, umiiyak na naman ako)

Hay, I'm sure we'll all get over this loss. Sobrang masakit lang talaga and nakakapanghinayang, I understand this is how you deal with your problems. I'm worried lang na something might happen to you tapos you're all alone and no one knows where you are (wag naman sana). I will treasure everything you and I had. I enjoyed our first and last (?) movie together. Thank you for trusting me with your deepest secrets. I would have wanted to strengthen our friendship more.

PROMISE ME, PROMISE ME, PROMISE ME, PROMISE ME that if you need anything, cash, or kelangan mo magpasundo, or if you need someone to be beside you even for a few hours, LET ME KNOW!!!!! Sabihin mo na agad! Bawal mahiya!!!! I will help you!!! I will be there!!!!!! James, I love you. please take care of yourself. Know that when you come back, I will still be your friend.

Bess

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Bess was one of the 2 people who did not let go of me during my worse struggle encountered last year. It was a crazy one and I got totally lost of my senses. I lost control of my life. I was gone in a snap. It caused some panic. It caused some worries to people who loves me. And this became a defining moment for Bess and I's friendship.

Bess is the typical pretty girl at work. She's sometimes misinterpreted because of her few use of words and some approaches especially if you don't know her that much. But this girl, through so many things we've encountered at work, remained a good friend to me. Not the most perfect, but she's special to me for some reason.

And what she did during my toughest time was one of the things that cleared my mind. She convinced me well. Her persistence strucked me the most. She never stopped until I came back to my senses. She held on her faith that I will overcome my problem. She did things I have never expected the fact that our friendship was just starting at that time.

Reading this email today in my inbox has touched my heart again. It did bring back the past, but it made me smile thinking how things had happened and how they are right now. Our friendship may not be the typical, but I know in my heart, that we keep this friendship very special. And you only see real friends during tough times. They are the ones who stick with you till the end...

Again, thanks for that Bess. It means a lot to me!!!

(sorry, I posted your email without your consent. hehe)